Leggings, Give Me a Break
I don’t know about the rest of you, but after 6 weeks of a work-from-home lifestyle, I’ve hit a real style rut. Rather than laundry day being whenever I need clean work trousers, it’s become when I run out of leggings or socks. Before this month, I’d never run out of clean leggings a day in my life. While it’s freeing to know that I can roll out of bed at 6:50, run a 5k, shower, throw on a pair of leggings, and be at my desk by 8am, it’s getting a little old. Realizing that I’ve spent the majority of the pandemic in clothing that I would sleep in without batting an eye, I had to wonder: how would I feel if I actually invested time into what I wore each day?
It feels cliche to say it, but I love fashion. When I was four years old, I would lay out my outfits for the next day, accessorized with all the appropriate costume jewelry and fairy princess tiaras. Mom always said it reminded her of a Macy’s window display. As a teenager I daydreamed about working in fashion, and I’ve long believed in the power of a well-curated outfit to enhance one’s mood.
Yet I’ve also been a little embarrassed by my love of fashion - does it make me shallow? Is it frivolous? It was time to face those insecurities as I took on my fashion rut. It was also a chance to further explore photography, which I’ve finally picked up after years of encouragement from my brother. And so I committed myself to designing a leggings-free outfit, photographing it, and sharing the results at the end of the week.
I began my preparations last weekend. I planned out my looks based on clothing in my wardrobe, and sketched them with watercolors. Some outfits were tried and true, such as Monday’s black H&M dress; or Tuesday’s Cheeky Jeans and cardigan, both from Everlane. Others were more challenging, such as Wednesday’s Everlane Skinny Jeans in white. Everyone was right - white jeans are crazy intimidating to wear, and I was petrified of staining them all day. I researched various fashion blogs and Instagram accounts, looking for inspiration. Finally, I turned to my brother, the real photographer of the family, to teach me a few things about self-portraiture.
The Looks
So, how’d it go?
The first part of the week went smoothly. I felt refreshed and confident every time I sat down for my daily Zoom call with my team, but I didn’t give it much thought. Finding the flattering poses and clear camera settings got easier, but again, I didn’t really pay attention. In fact, I didn’t really notice the effect this project was having until Thursday and Friday. While I’ve faced life in lockdown rather well, every once in a while there is a day when the weight of the world really just hits you, you know? Thursday was one of those days. But I still had a life to live and a project to push forward with, aside from my usual work and home responsibilities and relationships. I kept the blazer from my shoot on for my Zoom meetings for the day, and I felt a bit better. When I finally looked at Thursday’s photos, I was surprised at how they turned out, and started to reflect on the whole project. I felt a boost in confidence seeing the growth in my photography skills, especially since photography was something I’ve wanted to explore, but been rather intimidated by, for a long time. So when Friday rolled around, I found myself outside, yet again, shooting in the morning before my meetings, and just having fun being myself. I tried new shots and poses, new spaces, and while not everything worked, it was worth the try.
There were a lot of hurdles to conquer this week, aside from deciding which focal length I really wanted. Did this project make me, a photography newbie, a ‘poser?’ Did focusing on fashion make me shallow and self-obsessed? And on a level deeper still, was I ready to face my own body image anxiety? Like so many, I’ve struggled with body image insecurity since adolescence, and it’s something I’ve had to learn to manage over the years. Not only did this project push me to ignore that insecurity, it demanded that I embrace my beauty, as I sought both to capture my appearance and reflect my personality. And that’s what this was about in the end. Sure, it was a clever way to force myself to wear something besides my J.Crew Perfect Leggings for the umpteenth time. Yet it was also a way for me to express myself - all of myself - despite my insecurity. Capturing these looks and sharing them with the world allowed me to accept that fashion is a part of who I am - it’s how I express myself. It boosts my confidence and self esteem. I know my intrinsic worth has nothing to do with appearance, but clothes allow me to share how I see myself. And most importantly, perhaps, it’s just plain fun.
Would I do this again? For now, I’ll give the self-portrait sessions a break, at least for a day or two. You never know, though. If I’m really proud of an outfit, or just in the mood to capture a feeling, I may have to crack out that tripod again. Even if I don’t photograph it, I am back to putting more effort into what I wear most days, and won’t just grab at the top of the leggings-pile. At least during work hours. After that? Well, leggings certainly have their benefits too.
